ugh

i've been twittering my big fat head off instead of blogging like i said i would. it's just easier to tweet my feelings out into the abyss.

i've been doing well. well, up until this week. i made myself a deadline (friend's wedding in april - to which i have a DATE - more on that later) and a goal. 30 lbs in 10 weeks.

now that i look at it, completely unrealistic, since i have only been able to lose 55lbs since may. really smart, chick. but, i started religiously using thedailyplate.com and using their calculator, am able to determine what my calorie goals should be. i can also input any exercise and it's sort of like a piggy bank. i exercise and earn calorie credits. to lose about 4 lbs a week, i should be eating a little over 1600 calories. for the first two weeks I DID GREAT! i lost 7 lbs, worked out almost every day. it was great. then i got my period and this week was shot to shit.

i hadn't been normal in years but for the past four months it's been like clockwork! i'm so happy b/c this means that my body is getting back to normal. it eases my fears about obesity-related conception issues later in life when i'll be ready for a family. 

anyway.

this week was a bear. prepping for part of the bar exam (ethics portion; you can take it before you graduate. this was my second go-round. i didn't get the scores needed the first time. great for the confidence, i tell ya). work was INSANE. two people are quitting. got in a screaming match with our secretary. cried to one of my attorneys. got screamed at by clients b/c my attorneys aren't responsible. off from school for spring break but had to study for the exam. which i didn't do much of. 

because my heart isn't in school anymore. had mini-breakdown on phone with mom thursday night about it. just don't care about law anymore. being told that i may not be able to go abroad b/c my gpa is too low hurt, and i didn't think about it/pushed it aside until this week. i just felt so blue! i ate all week. didn't count any calories past breakfast into TDP. baked and ate a cake in three days (minus one huge piece i brought to work for a coworker's birthday; incidentally, not one of the gals who is quitting). ordered and ate chinese. mcdonalds. taco bell. you effing name it. i feel like a house.

oh and to make matters worse, i didn't exercise. at all. in an entire week.

monday i start over. i'm not going to start over tomorrow. i need another day.

side note, i have a theory. i'm at 7ccs right now and i can EAT. i wonder: i eat a lot of salads. could i have stretched my pouch? b/c i can eat cups and cups of the stuff...

more on that later. i meet with my surgeon on monday afternoon. hope i get a fill. 7.5 was too tight last time, but that was before the whole "too tight/emergency gastrografin" episode. let's see, shall we?

here's to skinny thoughts.