ugh!

so i weigh in on mondays and fridays. this past monday i had lost 0.2 lbs and was right at 340. today i weigh and i gain 3.4. wtf?! 

i've been doing good with portion sizes. i need to re-evaluate. if the realize website didn't suck ass as much as it does, i'd be tracking there. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

thank god it's friday. this week was way too effing long. and it's payday, thank god. i haven't been to my mailbox in a week but i'm pretty sure there're a ton of bills in there i need to pay.

i ordered "welcome to the dollhouse" on dvd last night. i haven't seen it in sooo long. classic. 

i'm gonna try to get some work done now so i can feel all accomplished and shit. i need to clean my house tonight. 

this is why

this is why i have a love/hate relationship with life at a law firm:

free lunch. which automatically means free dessert.

don't get me wrong - this is so not everyday life. quite the contrary. but it is a nice treat when there's some kind of meeting or conference thingy happening in your floor's conference room. 

my new favorite breakfast is peanuts. they have protein in them, they're easy to eat, and they're yummy. i'm off the honey roasteds. too much like candy. i find that i may be a lil hungry in the am and not STARVING at noon like i used to be so that's good. i'm at 6.5 ccs now. holding steady at a loss of 45lbs. haven't exercised in a month. i know, i know. i'm just so busy with work and school and my sleep is really important to me. 

apparently my 'sleep apnea' might not be apnea at all, but due to my tonsil problems. they're coming out on dec. 23, thankfully. they're enormous and crater-y. they're gross.

i'm totally addicted to facebook. i could be on there all day. for some reason tho my blackberry isn't giving me fb alerts anymore.. i reinstalled the app but no such luck.. hmm...

gotta get some work done at work. ha. 

i'm stuck.. no, not that kind of stuck

i think i'm on a plateau. no, strike that. 

i'm definitely on a plateau. 

i've weighed the same for something like six weeks now. maybe more.. i'm not sure. here's what i do know: i don't eat right. i don't exercise enough. i am also worked to the bone and exhausted all the time. not healthy.

i work a full day at the law firm and then a full night at law school. i don't get home until 10:15, 10:30. at that point i'm starving! for the past few weeks it's been so easy to just throw some cheese on some tostitos and make nachos. in one minute, dinner is served. and it's delicious. and it goes down really, really easily. and i can eat a lot of it. bad bad bad!!! 

i did buy a bunch of lean cuisines. my goal is to eat those when i come home for less than 300 calories.. instead of god-knows-how-many calories in a big plate of cheesey nachos. oh but with my favorite salsa... stop it!! stop it!! step away from the nachos..

and another vice of mine, due to the impending holiday: candy corn. 

OMG! a coworker put out a dish and i thought, "it's been so very long... i wonder how they will go down..." well, they went down too well.. i have since purchased and consumed several bags.. on my own. no sharing.

in happier news, last week my gym buddy and i did the gym thing (weight machines, arms/legs, elliptical, rowing, bike) and we even got in the pool! i swam - wait for it - eight laps. i've never swam laps before. i didn't even know how to do the freestyle. i thought that was called a breaststroke. silly uneducated me. it was really, really hard. you're working really hard so you're breathing hard, yet your face is in the water so it's hard to breathe. very challenging. if it weren't for the incredibly massive amounts of chlorine in my complex's indoor pool (along with the ever-present swim school and onlooking parents), I'd be in the pool a couple times a week.

i go to the surgeon next week. hope for a fill. 

i'm really trying this whole working-out thing. really. on saturday (of all days, the blessed, sacred saturday!) i worked out for a half hour (a lot for me, thankyouverymuch). i did 25 mins on the treadmill at a brisk walk and then 5 minutes with my new weights. i got two 8lb weights because i noticed my upper arms are looking.. well. awful. i lost my first 30 or so lbs in my upper chest (i.e. boobs, shoulders - so all my shirts show my bra straps. lovely). my arms have sagging skin already and that freaks me out.

i took sunday off, workout-wise. monday i did 20 minutes at a brisk pace, 5 mins at a jog. yes i said jog. i nearly died, but i did it.

today i was going to do 15 minutes but i overslept. it's not easy getting in at 10:15 at night, wired and tired at the same time, only to get up a couple hours later and do it all again.

right now my biggest problem is the giant-sized bag of reeses mini pb cups that our admin brought in. she always stocks our kitchen cupboards with costco treats. i hate that i love reeses pb cups. i hate them even more that they don't get stuck.

speaking of getting stuck...
saturday night i was eating dinner (grilled chicken on the bone and steamed broccoli - i know, healthy, right? it was good) and it was going fine.. until. dum-dum-dum. STUCK! oh yes. i think i failed to chew properly and got some chicken stuck. so i walked around a little, no help. i went into the kitchen and leaned over the sink, hoping the pressure from the counter will, erm, help me cough up my problem. and so i am leaning over the sink, coughing and hacking (pbing, or productive burping in bandspeak, is not a typical 'vomit'), trying to get the offending poultry out. i'm sliming like crazy (extreme salivation) and my eyes are watering and it flippin HURTS! i'm spitting up all this slime and my nose starts running..

out of my nose came some broccoli :)

gross!!!!

yay 4th fill!

i got my 4th fill today. i have a Realize band that holds 9ccs of fluid and until this morning i had 4.5 ccs after three fills. my concern was the size of my meals.. i could eat a whole piece of chicken and whatever sides like roasted potatoes or veggies and sometimes even a little salad. not good for bandland. so i requested and received another fill.

i took issue, however, with the fact that i didn't see my surgeon once during my appointment this morning! he was there - i saw him in the hallway. but, he didn't do my exam, my fill, or even stop by to check in on me and my progress. a new (to me) man who introduced himself as "edward" did my fill. now, edward had no white coat, and didn't introduce himself as "doctor" but he had a stethoscope... anyway, i was uneasy because i need a large needle, as opposed to a short one, for my fills since my port is underneath some scar tissue. edward told me he's a physician's assistant. i kept waiting for the surgeon to come in but i realized that this edward chap was going to do my fill! i tried to relax and think "if anything goes wrong, there are surgeons in this building if i need them." so, the fill went fairly smoothly - a little longer than i'd have liked, but no continuous poking and prodding. i saw edward take some fluid out before adding the new stuff so i know he hit the port in the right place. whew.

now my tummy is a little achy. not the band, but my actual tummy.. kind of like i got stabbed with a several-inch-long needle, i s'pose.

so this is me... banded

i've been banded with Realize Adjustable Gastric Band for 3 months now. Yesterday I hit my first mini goal; I've lost 41 lbs. Hitting the -40lb mark was a huge milestone for me, as I've never been able to lose that much weight before.


i got stuck on some chicken at lunch today. i was eating too fast, i think. i also think i need a fill. i can eat way, waaay more than i should. i see the surgeon again tomorrow.